This year, Americans are celebrating the 100th anniversary of Mother’s Day. It was in 1914 that Woodrow Wilson signed an official presidential proclamation making the second Sunday in May “Mother’s Day.”
Wilson originally proposed that Mothers Day fall on the first Sunday in May, but quickly realized moms wouldn’t be able to celebrate on the day set aside for doing laundry down by the creek.
Wilson next proposed making Mothers Day the following Tuesday, but was reminded that Tuesday was the day moms traditionally cleaned the house, mowed the lawn, took the trash to the dump and quietly but efficiently disposed of the orphaned street urchins who hid beneath the floor boards in the cupboard. All of which had to be done before lunch. Otherwise, her husband was legally permitted to quote “lie down with that tramp who lived upstairs, that is, when she wasn’t out whoring.”
The first Wednesday in May was also nixed because that’s the day mom would lug ice to the freezer and then, her afternoons were pretty much shot due to her back being sore from hauling the 50 pound blocks by herself… as the ice delivery man sat in the shade, stared at her ass, and said things like “Your ass is sure lookin’ fine, Mrs. Johnson. Hey. Fetch me a lemonade, would ya?”
Finally, the White House settled on the second Sunday in May to celebrate mothers… but only after mom’s butchering of the hog got pushed to the third Monday in May.
So, with the history of mothers day now out of the way, This vs That presents the 37 Ultimate Mom #Fails.
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